On to Tara Vol. 2 page 9
One could hardly know Sara and not know about Rinpoche. Not long after we'd met, Sara showed us a picture of a famous Tibetan mountain and told a story about it that included her guru. Something was deeply stirred. I believe now that that was my first calling to Rinpoche.
At that time I was practicing a chakra meditation through the disciple of a realized master. It was purported to be a technique that was the fastest and most direct route to enlightenment. I had some wonderful experiences with the meditation but remained unmoved by my association with my teacher. I was told that our teacher was so far beyond us that we really couldn't understand him. Still, shouldn't I feel a connection? But the thing that sowed more discontent than anything else was the absence of practice in everyday life. The latter was considered important to the experience but secondary in importance to meditation. Be out in the world. That way you wouldn't be a nuisance, at least. I couldn't find the motivation to sustain my practice. Sapping motivation further was George's reaction to my involvement. It was clear to everyone that he didn't like it. Whatever dreams I'd had about us embarking on a spiritual practice together in a way that would benefit others too, was doomed to disappointment. He seemed to find everything in his path distasteful. With his Irish Catholic upbringing and years of studying for the priesthood, he wanted nothing to do with formal religion at all. And when it came to gurus, forget it! He'd met plenty of people who thought they knew the answer for everyone else. Spiritual practice was becoming so central to my life I was worried that we would be unable to sustain a life together ... something that deeply saddened me. I relegated my spiritual practice to the background, for now.
I continued a partial practice at my home, but quit going to the meditation sessions. George admired Alan Ginsburg and wanted to explore the teachings of his guru, Chogyam Trungpa. We bought several books, read them together and found a great deal that touched us both. In fact, I couldn't get enough of these ideas. George had been participating in a sweat lodge and had been studying Native American religions. I was struggling to maintain my practice, knowing that I desperately needed a spiritual teacher to help me with what I was encountering.
Then I became really ill. I was sick with a high fever for almost a week. My body was in so much pain ... I could not escape. It had a life of its own, totally apart from my will to be well. I encountered so much depression, anxiety, and regret about my life. The only encouragement lay in the promise I made to myself to find a spiritual teacher. I thought about Sara, and these thoughts sustained me. Afterward, I telephoned Sara and told her I wanted to study Buddhism more in depth. I wanted to meet Rinpoche.
George and I started attending Chenrezig meditation on Sunday at Open Path. We met several spiritual teachers who were wonderful, but I hadn't found the connection I was seeking. It wouldn't be until July that our schedules would permit our participation in any of the events planned with Rinpoche. It was to be Rinpoche's long life puja in Nelson. To my surprise George was most agreeable about going.
In preparation for the puja we went to select a gift for Rinpoche. We had heard that Rinpoche liked bears. We love bears, the bear being George's power animal. I remembered a Zuni bear fetish that I had seen in Idaho city. George remembered the same one, but neither of us could picture it. We went to Idaho city and found it immediately. It was beautiful! But I started to worry, "What if Rinpoche was offended by a gift of a relic from another religion? What if we were committing some sort of spiritual faux pas?" Our trip to Nelson was plagued with obstacles. Highway 55 was closed and we missed the ferry and had to take another one. We finally made it to the hall in the midst of chanting, not knowing whether we were in the beginning, middle or end. We ended up being only 45 minutes late, there were another five wonderful hours.
At the first break, Sara suggested we meet Rinpoche and give him our gift. Finally we met. Rinpoche took my hand so warmly and gently ... even humbly. I had never experienced anyone so open hearted. I was deeply touched. George carried on a conversation while I stood mutely by. They were getting along famously. I heard Rinpoche say that the bear was very important to him, that it represented strength. Then I heard him say that his family was part of the Bear Clan. Rinpoche had many questions about the fetish and was examining it reverently, turning it over in his hand softly, as if the feel of it would touch him in a place that knew. Later he and George talked more about Native American people. We asked if he would be willing to come to Boise to give some teachings. The Open Path would fly him back to Nelson. No ... he would not fly. "I want to feel my feet planted in the earth and experience nature around me." Later that statement came up in meditation. It hit deep in that knowing place, the importance of being in the moment. I had found my spiritual teacher.
The next day my emotions caught up with me, and I cried and cried. I
felt so much better and glad I could share my feelings with George. We
had a magical time that day in Nelson.
