Same-Sex Relationships

Alternatives To Violence of the Palouse, Inc.
Help for victims and survivors of domestic and sexual violence, friends and non-offending family members, with a focus on prevention education and community outreach.

Same-Sex Relationships

24-hour Crisis Hotlines:

(208) 883-HELP or
(509) 332-HELP

Collect crisis calls will be accepted.

Sexual and domestic violence is not just a phenomenon of male supremacy over women but is also used as a tool of control and domination by women over other women and men over other men.

When looking at woman-to-woman assault and abuse, survivors often experience a sense of betrayal and disbelief that a woman could assault another woman. Some survivors speak of entering relationships with a certain romanticism that women are nonviolent and non-abusive. Unfortunately, we know that controlling and abusive conduct can happen in all relationships and that abuse crosses boundaries of gender, sexual orientation, race, color, class and ability. Woman-to-woman abuse has often been trivialized or misrepresented as harmless "cat fights" with no victim or injury. These sexist and homophobic beliefs act to ensure a sense of isolation and alienation of the survivor of woman-to-woman violence.

Sexual assault and domestic violence between gay men also exists. And like the violence in non-gay communities, it occurs mostly among acquaintances and intimate partners. As with women, the same-sex assault of men can happen in dating situations, between partners, co-workers, friends, and so on. Though male survivors of same-sex rape do have much in common with female survivors of same-sex rape (for example, emotional trauma, confusion), there are also significant differences. For example, it is extremely rare for female same-sex survivors to be sexually assaulted by a stranger. This is not true for men. Also, it is much more common for men to be assaulted by men who identify as straight, whereas the majority of woman-to-woman assault is perpetrated by queer women.

Battering & Abuse: Myth vs. Fact

Myth: Battering and abuse do not exist in the lesbian community: only men abuse women.
Fact: Domestic violence is not a problem limited to heterosexual relationships, and it does exist in lesbian relationships.

Myth: Domestic violence only affects certain groups of lesbians.
Fact: Violence and abuse are found in all parts of our community. No group regardless of race, class, ethnicity, age, ability, education, politics, religion or lifestyle is free of domestic violence.

Myth: In lesbian relationships the problem is really just fighting or "mutual battering," not domestic violence.
Fact: The issues in domestic violence are power and control. A survivor’s needs are usually subordinated and she often changes her behavior to accommodate or anticipate her batterer’s demands. The unequal power relationship distinguishes battering from fighting in an abusive relationship.  Fighting back is self-defense, not "mutual battering."

Same-Sex Sexual Assault

Same-sex sexual assault may include forced vaginal or anal penetration, forced oral sex, forced touching, or any other type of forced sexual activity. Same-sex sexual assault can happen on a date, between friends, partners, strangers, and in employment situations. Because utilization of supportive services by same-sex survivors is minimal, there is very little statistical data about the prevalence of same-sex violence.

A woman rapist may use a fist, a finger, or other external objects in an assault, although this type of assault may or may not involve penetration. When another woman rapes a woman, the victim does not have to worry about pregnancy, but she may still be at risk of getting vaginal, cervical, or anal infections.

The 1991 National Crime Survey released by the U.S. Department of Justice reports that 7.7% of annual rapes in the United States involved male victims. Any man--gay, straight, or bisexual--can be raped by another man. According to recent studies, the least common type of same-sex male sexual assault is perpetrated on a straight man by a gay man.

Information for Survivors:

No one has the right to batter or abuse you.
You are not responsible for the violence or abuse.
You CAN tell someone what is happening to you.
Contact a domestic violence program, like Alternatives to Violence of the Palouse.
You are not alone. Connect with others who are surviving or have survived.
Assess your physical and emotional safety:
1. Develop a safety plan for yourself and your children, if you have any.
2. Plan a strategy if you have to leave quickly.
3. Have essential papers with you or easily accessible.
4. Establish connections where you could go in an emergency.

Resources:

Police and Sheriff's Offices, Latah and Whitman Counties

Alternatives to Violence of the Palouse
         24 hr. Hotline and Crisis Intervention
         Confidential, safe, free Shelter
         Legal Advocacy
         Support Groups
         Information and Referral

Domestic Violence Hotline (Idaho), 24 hrs.

Domestic Violence Hotline (Washington), 24 hrs.

Gay, Lesbian , and Bisexual Association (GLBTA) at WSU

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Allies Program (GLBA) at WSU

UI Women's Center (ask to speak to the LGBTQ Program Adviser)

911

(208) 883-HELP or
(509) 332-HELP
COLLECT CRISIS CALLS ACCEPTED

1 (800) 669-3176

1 (800) 562-6025

(509) 335-4311

(509) 335-6388

(208) 885-6616

LAMBDA - Provides a wide range of information on hate crimes committed against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered (GLBT) individuals, as well as information on domestic violence between GLBT couples. One unique feature on this site allows victims of GLBT hate crimes to file a confidential report on-line. Lambda's Anti-Violence Project also offers a 24-hour bilingual (English-Spanish) help line at (800) 616-HATE.

OutProud - The National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Youth.

Youth.org - created to help self-identifying gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning youth. YOUTH.ORG exists to provide young people with a safe space online to be themselves.

Also see the ATVP Resources page.

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